I live near rolling hills that turn a crisp green in the winter rain and dull yellow in the oven like summers. These hills are dotted with oak trees that grow in clusters, like puffs of green cotton on an otherwise drab canvas. The windswept landscape is barren except for the most sturdy of vegetation. Many, if not all of trees lean to the side, pushed westwards by the heavy winds. In the morning the marine layer makes its way over the tops of the hills like some slug like creature making landfall from the cool Pacific. The morning clouds are dark and misty and bring with it a fresh sharp breeze. By the afternoon the sun burns off the fog and the sky becomes bright. I’m sitting here now typing this as I enjoy the cool weather. I’m sure some hot days lay ahead, as September in the Bay Area can become one of the hottest months of summer. But for now I’ll enjoy this window into autumn.

The end of summer. The end of my project at work. The end of many things lay heavy on my mind these days. Somewhere in the mix of my routine, my company decided to promote me. A promotion I never considered for myself. Much higher than my ambitions ever set eyes upon. I didn’t ask for it or want it. That’s how it works I’m coming to find out: The less you want, the more you get.

For the last few years I wanted nothing more than to turn away from a career. Turn away from doing extra at work. I wanted freedom from work. Early retirement. No alarm clocks. And as I’ve lost myself to the routine that is middle life and raising kids, somehow I ended up with more pay than I could have ever dreamed for myself.

Funny how this works.

The less action I took, the more action occurred and forward progress made to my endeavor of having enough money to live without work. The more money I acquired from my investment returns, the less I gave a fuck at work, the more bold I became in my decision making and speaking up…and the more they liked me. So they’ve decided to give me more money to help me one day quit work. It’s a cycle and it’s not one-sided. I do care about being successful at whatever it is I’m doing, whether it be yard work, washing the dishes, or work. So while I’m at work, even though I’d rather be retired and don’t believe in corporate mantra, I try my best to do a good job.

Now that my project is nearing its final stages I’m left in the too familiar position in construction of having worked myself out of a job.

What’s next? Where will my next commute be? Who will I meet and work with? Will I get along with these people?

My immediate future is unknown. As much as I wish I knew now what I’ll be doing in a few months, I like the anxious edge it gives me that I have no clue what I’ll be doing by the end of the this year. It’s this sort of excitement that I’m learning that I crave. This is probably why I love travel so much. When I’m overseas, I have no idea what I will see, eat, or do in the near future. I’m so out of my element. The loss of routine. The novelty of a place I’ve never been. It’s change that I love, and I love it because it makes me nervous, because in a way, I slightly don’t want things to change. When things remain the same and become predictable, it feels safe. Who doesn’t like the feeling of safety? That’s what we’re all fighting for after all.

But an even better feeling?

How about successfully navigating through uncertainty and coming out ok or better? Now that’s a good feeling. That’s growth. Every few years my job gifts me the opportunity to go through this range of emotions as I leave a group of people I’ve worked with for years, a commute I’m accustomed to, a routine I’ve accepted, and everything gets mixed up and changes.

I welcome the change because I know I can’t control it. Every year I welcome autumn because I’m over the heat of summer. And when spring rolls around I cannot wait for sunny days where I can go out and enjoy nice weather. When summer comes I’m so happy for it. But by Labor Day, I’m itching for a change.

Plans Books and Updates

To celebrate the long Labor Day weekend we’re going up to Lake Tahoe with a friend. We’ll be renting a cabin on the lake. Both of our families have been hanging out and doing this sort of thing for years, even before we had kids. It will be nice to relax up there by the lake, even if it’s too cold for a dip in the blue waters. There’s something renewing about the mountain air in the Sierra.

Later this month we have a wedding to attend in Los Angeles. A concert. In December we’ll be taking a trip to France, Sweden, and Estonia. We’re hoping to see the northern lights from Jukkasjärki in Swedish Lapland.

Currently I’m reading, All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. I’d read his latest book Cloud Cuckoo Land a few years back and found it great. I just wrapped up The Splendid and The Vile by Erik Larson and A Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell. Both those last two are great books but completely different from one another. I like a good history book, especially if it’s by Erik. And stories about people who move to other countries always draw me towards them.

I know this is one of my shorter posts, I’m just trying to keep up a steady routine of posting. So this will do for now.